Today's textual exchange: Bridge Mix.
Birdie: Why would anyone cover a nasty ass brazil nut in chocolate? Bridge mix is all kinds of fucked up.
Me: It's true. I live in fear of that hard jelly one.
Birdie: I just tried bridge mix for the first time. Never again.
Me: Yeah, not good.
Birdie: Based on shape I thought the jelly ones would be malt balls and the rest were nuts.
Me: Never assume anything with bridge mix. I swear some of them are just rocks and twigs. What flavor are the jelly ones supposed to be?
Birdie: the flavor is disappointment.
Me: Aah, that's it.
She and I didn't discuss it further, but my own theory is that bridge mix is like fruitcake. No one has made a fruitcake since 1887: It's just the same fruitcakes being passed around every year. Once and a while somebody slices into one, gags, then throws it out. This explains the waning popularity of fruitcakes as gifts over time. I think the same theory can be applied to bridge mix. Brachs made waaaay too much of it in 1957 and the last four decades have been spent trying to empty their old bridge mix silo. It really is the simplest explanation. The theory that there are people out there who enjoy bridge mix and consume it with such regularity that it warrants an actual company devoting space and employees to making it is much more ludicrous.
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