My mom says I was always an anxious baby, and she blames the bulk of my lifelong issues with anxiety and depression on the Challenger shuttle disaster. In January 1986 my mother saw footage of the disaster on tv, and was deeply emotionally affected. She blames herself for passing that sadness into her womb. I don't know how much Challenger impacted me in utero, but she seems convinced that it's the cause of my fucked brain chemestry.
I have anxiety. Unrealistic, unpredictable anxiety. I also have depression, which is always somewhat present, but equally unrealistic and prone to drastic changes in severity. There are days when I can go to the grocery store and smile at strangers and feel okay, and there are days when it takes all my willpower to get out of bed long enough to pee.
I know I'm far from alone in this. What's the newest crazy estimate on anxiety disorders? 40 million cases in this country alone? And at least 20 million are estimated to have a depressive episode this year?
This isn't some point-making piece. I don't have deep thoughts here. I have no idea if/how Challenger affected the wiring of my brain. I'm just saying...
...they put a lot of disasters on tv.
If I ever get pregnant, I'm not going to watch any CNN.
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